Reflections
by Swanseajill
Summary: A series of snapshots showing how Max and Alec’s relationship develops over the course of time. Max POV, MA. Final Part: I don’t blame you anymore. You know that, don’t you? For the virus, or for losing my chance of getting the cure.
1. Part 1: Smart Alec

**Title:** Reflections  
**Author:** Swanseajill  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** Angst, Romance  
**Pairing:** MA  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters nor am I making any money from them.

**Summary:** A series of snapshots showing how Max and Alec's relationship develops over the course of time.  
Told from Max's POV. (MA)

**Notes:** I really think Max and Alec should end up together, but judging from Max's attitude and behavior in the show, I don't see it happening overnight. This story is an attempt to show their relationship developing realistically over a period of time.

Thanks to Angela, as always, for an insightful beta read.

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**Part One: Smart Alec   
**(Set sometime between Designate This and The Berrisford Agenda)

Even asleep, that arrogant, self-satisfied smirk is firmly plastered over his face.

Jerk.

Smart Alec. Huh. She'd named him well.

Knowing she would need help to complete the mission for Eyes Only, Max had reluctantly recruited Alec and they had arrived in the basement of the abandoned warehouse an hour before their contact was due to show. When Max announced that she would take first watch, Alec simply shrugged, settled down with his back against some crates, and went to sleep.

She glances across at him from her position to one side of the basement steps and snorts. It irritates her that he seems to need more sleep than she does. Although, there is one good thing about him sleeping. Even he can't sleep and talk at the same time. Yappity yap yap – he never stops, and it isn't as if he ever has anything particularly useful or intelligent to say.

She huffs a breath of frustration. It isn't that he's done anything in particular to annoy her tonight. Not so far, anyway. It's just that his very presence pushes all her buttons.

She'll never forgive him for his part in aiding her escape from Manticore only to stand by and watch while she unwittingly infected Logan with the virus. And she won't forgive him for forcing her into a corner where she had to pay off that underground doctor to neutralize the time bomb in his head. In that one act of charity – or lunacy – she lost what might have been her only chance to find a cure for the virus. And for what? To keep alive a stupid jackass who was already becoming the biggest pain in the ass she'd ever known.

He's a smug, self-centered, womanizing screwup who thinks only of himself, and to make matters worse, he personifies Manticore and everything it represents. He's proud to be different, he looks down on Ordinaries as inferior and he uses his abilities in every way he can to give himself an advantage. She hates him for this arrogance.

Then there's the 'small' issue of him being Ben's identical clone. Ben, her beautiful brother who still haunts her dreams. It's a nightmare to have a living reminder of him walking around, and Alec isn't worthy to be compared to Ben, despite the way things turned out.

She checks her watch. Almost time to leave for the rendezvous. She walks over to her companion and kicks him roughly in the ankle. He's instantly awake, and she watches his reactions shift from a tense, instinctive awareness of another presence in the room to the recognition of her identity, and then to relaxation as he accepts that there's no threat. All this takes no more than a second or two. A classic example of transgenic reflexes in action.

"Wakey, wakey, Pretty Boy," she says as he gazes up at her with those perpetually amused hazel eyes.

"Hey, Maxie."

She growls inwardly. She hates it when he calls her Maxie.

He grimaces as he springs to his feet in one athletic move. "That floor's way too hard and cold." He smirks and waggles an eyebrow. "'Course, it could've been so much more comfortable if I'd had something soft and warm to hold on to."

Always the crude comments and wiseass remarks. "In your dreams. Okay, let's move out. Remember the plan and try not to screw everything up like you usually do."

"Your faith in me is touching."

She rolls her eyes at his sarcastic tone. "Facts speak for themselves, Pretty Boy."

"You know what?" he says, and now there's a touch of irritation in his tone. "You may not have noticed, but I've been trying to make it up to you for what I did. Just what exactly do you expect?"

She stares at him coldly. "Well, for one thing, I expect you to think of someone else from time to time, instead of always assuming the world revolves around you."

"So, what d'you think I'm doing here, Max?" he huffs. "'Cause I'm sure as Hell not here for the pleasure of your company."

Max opens her mouth to give a tart reply, and then closes it again, biting back the comment. Surprisingly, he has a point. There is no reward for this job, other than the satisfaction of helping a group of strangers he doesn't even know, and he'd known this when he agreed to go with her.

He holds her eyes for a long moment.

"Just tell me one thing, Max," he asks finally. "Will I ever be able to do anything to make you change your mind about me?"

The question, and his suddenly intense expression, take her by surprise. She doesn't answer because it's never occurred to her that she would ever change her mind about him. He is who he is, and she has no time for him. To be truthful, she isn't sure she even wants to give him a chance to make up for his mistakes. She really doesn't care that much.

Her silence apparently gives him his answer and his lips tighten into a thin line. "That's what I thought."

For a split second she thinks maybe she's hurt him and that confuses her, because this is Alec and Alec doesn't have enough heart to feel pain. And this makes her wonder if she really knows him at all. "Alec…" She stops, not knowing how to go on.

He turns away, reaching for his backpack, and when he faces her again the smirk is back in place.

"Let's go and get this job done," he says. "Then how about we head back to my place and - how does Joshua put it? 'Get busy', yeah, that's... ow!"

He yelps and grins as she slaps him upside the head and stalks out of the building ahead of him, the momentary feeling of sympathy lost. She was right the first time. The guy's a jerk and always will be.


	2. Part 2: Confusion

**Part Two: Confusion  
**(A missing scene from The Berrisford Agenda, taking place soon after the scene where Max observes Alec crying at Rachel's beside.)

Max hovers uncertainly in the doorway, eyes fixed on the figure huddled tightly into itself in the bed across the room.

His steady breathing tells her he's finally asleep, exhaustion from the events and emotions of the previous few days overcoming even his enhanced transgenic body.

Max feels a little like the floor beneath her feet has been ripped away, leaving her unsettled and confused.

In a bleak and uncertain world, there are some givens that help ground her life. Her love and respect for Logan. Her solid friendship with OC. And the fact that Alec is an uncaring, arrogant and self-centered rogue.

That final fact has just suffered a major setback.

Max barely recognized the smug, cocksure X5 in the broken man sobbing at the dark-haired girl's bedside just a few hours earlier. She hasn't yet pieced together the whole story, and Alec has volunteered nothing, but she guesses the girl, Rachel, is Robert Berrisford's daughter. Max is sure now that she and Logan were wrong to assume that Alec had gone to the mansion to kill Berrisford and save his own skin.

He went there to find Rachel.

It doesn't take much imagination to work out that she was a casualty of Alec's original Manticore directive to take out Berrisford two years before. Or that Alec clearly feels responsible for putting her in that hospital bed. Max keeps replaying his words as his captor worked up the guts to fire. _"What are you waiting for? I deserve it. Kill me."_ Then his anguished cry, _"Do it!"_ She believes he truly wanted Berrisford to pull the trigger, to deliver the ultimate punishment he thinks he deserves.

Alec is in love with Rachel, there is no doubt of that. Max remembers standing in the doorway of her room watching in shock as he knelt at her bedside, pouring out his grief and pain. He'd thought he was alone, and Max retreated hurriedly, knowing that he wouldn't want her there and feeling uncomfortable witnessing his vulnerability.

The idea that Alec, of all people, was capable of such depths of emotion was unsettling. She thought she had him pegged. Taking him at face value, accepting him as cocky and self-serving and nothing more, was as easy as breathing.

Now, she has no choice but to accept that part of his persona is nothing more than a mask to hide the confusion and pain inside.

Joshua knows this already. She remembers their talk over Joshua's painting of Alec and her surprise at the way Joshua described him. _"Outside, lots of pretty colors. Tricks and treats. Inside, darkness. Confusion."_

She never saw that before, not until today, and Alec's words at Crash make terrible sense now. _"You did what you had to do. Then you tried to forget. And when you couldn't forget, they had ways of making you not care."_ Manticore sent him on a mission to kill Robert Berrisford, but during the course of it, he fell in love with his target's daughter and failed his assignment. This wasn't the act of a good, obedient soldier. It would have resulted in punishment; torture possibly, re-indoctrination definitely. She realizes that she really has no idea what Alec's life was like at Manticore during the time she's been outside. She's never cared enough to ask.

She leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, and decides that she should just leave. It isn't as if he wants her here or asked her to stay. Then she notices his breathing change, and he begins to toss and turn. She frowns, wondering if she should wake him but reluctant to because she has no idea how to deal with a distressed Alec.

Max had returned to Rachel's room to find him still in the same position, on his knees beside the bed, head bowed, one of her hands clutched tightly in his. She didn't want to disturb him, but she knew they had to make their escape before Berrisford or one of his men came to and sounded the alarm. Grasping his arm, she said his name, and after a moment he looked up at her with confused, tear-reddened eyes. She calmly and quietly explained that they had to leave. He stared at her blankly, and she wondered if she was going to have to knock him out and carry him, but then he nodded. Turning back to Rachel, he leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek, and then allowed Max to lead him away.

He didn't speak during the time it took for them to jog back to her bike and ride back to his apartment. And he didn't protest when she followed him in and firmly guided him to the bedroom. It was almost like he was unaware of her presence. Probably in some kind of shock. After making him lay down on the bed, she eased his boots off and pulled the blankets up around him. He turned on his side, curling up in an almost fetal position, and she left the room, wanting to give him some space.

She made herself a cup of coffee and sat for a while on the sofa, thinking over the events of the past few days, trying to make sense of it all. Her acute hearing picked up sounds from the bedroom, and the change in his breathing told her the moment he finally fell asleep.

Now, his restless movements increase, and he mutters, "Rachel … I didn't know." Then he cries out, "No! Please … Rachel!"

A moment later, he sits bolt upright. He's shaking a little and breathing heavily, and she almost recoils from the raw emotion in those hazel-green eyes. She takes a few tentative steps towards him.

"Alec? You okay? You were having a nightmare."

He looks at her silently for a moment as his breathing slows and the immediacy of the nightmare fades. She watches as he pulls himself together and slips the mask back into place.

"I'm fine," he says finally. "Why are you still here?"

She shrugs. "Just checking you're all right before I take off."

"I told you, I'm fine. You can go."

She hesitates. "Alec… I…"

"Just go, Max. I told you before. I don't need your sympathy."

His voice is cold but she can see the emotion still raging in his eyes. She wonders if she should stay and try to get him to talk about what happened. Bitter experience has taught her it doesn't help to cut yourself off and hide behind a mask because you think that's the only way to keep it together.

But when he turns onto his side away from her, it's a clear signal that her absence is required, just like the last time she offered her help. She feels a mixture of relief and regret and wonders where the regret comes from.

Without another word she slips out and closes the door quietly behind her.


	3. Part 3: Sticking Together

Note: I've replied to everyone who was kind enough to post feedback to the first two parts, but as alerts still don't seem to be working properly, you probably haven't received them! I can assure you that your comments are very gratefully received!

**3. Sticking together **(set immediately after the end of Dawg Day Afternoon)

Max is sitting on the threadbare sofa, staring blankly at Alec's precious "boob tube" with the sound turned down, when Alec returns and drops heavily onto the seat beside her. He runs his hand through unruly hair and sighs.

"Is he asleep?" she asks.

Alec nods. "Yeah. Guess he wore himself out crying."

They sit in silence for a moment, the air between them heavy with sorrow.

Three long hours have passed since the news of Annie's murder flashed across the TV screen. After the initial shock, Joshua was beside himself with grief and anger, and it took both of them to calm him down and prevent him from going after White.

Finally, Alec persuaded Joshua to go to his room to lay down. From her place on the sofa, Max listened to their muted conversation, hearing mainly Alec speaking in soothing tones with the occasional grunted response from Joshua. Five minutes ago, the voices faltered into silence.

Alec scrubs his hands over his eyes and sighs again. "I feel so damned useless, but there's nothing I can do or say that's gonna help him."

She glances at him, sharing his frustration, and remembers that he's been through the same hell as Joshua, and is still hurting. Even though he hasn't mentioned Rachel since that night at the Berrisford mansion, she's seen his devil-may-care, "I'm always all right" mask slip every so often. Time hasn't yet healed that wound. Maybe it never will.

"I guess all we can do is be his friends," she says. "Let him know we're here for him." The words sound lame, but she has no answers and no solutions.

"Yeah." Alec's eyes are full of emotion. "It's just…" He hesitates. "What if he can't get over this?"

Max is touched but not surprised by Alec's obvious concern for Joshua. Although Alec had at first dismissed Joshua as a subhuman freak, a genuine if unlikely friendship developed between them, and despite her initial misgivings, Max can see that they're good for each other.

Since convincing Joshua that his budding romance with Annie was a bad idea, Alec has spent most of his spare time with him, trying to cheer him up. And tonight he's been as upset as she has at Joshua's grief.

"He'll get over it in time," she says, faking a confidence she doesn't feel.

"Maybe." He doesn't sound convinced, though. "But this is Joshua, Max. He isn't like us. He has a simpler view of things." He shakes his head, brow creased in a frown of frustration. "I told him he shouldn't get involved, I told him we don't belong with them. It isn't safe for them, or for us, especially not now."

Max flashes back to Alec's words to her at Crash a week or so ago. _"Max, we don't belong with them, okay? We're a danger to them. When are you gonna finally see that?"_ She'd brushed him off, dismissing his words as sour grapes over losing his chance with Asha. But then she began to think he was right. Transgenics were clearly becoming a danger to their friends.

Annie's death is proof of that. Who would be next? Sketchy or OC? Logan?

Max stands up abruptly. "I'm gonna make some coffee. Want some?"

"Sure."

She makes the coffee, concentrating on the simple actions of putting instant powder in the cups and pouring the boiling water inside them, trying not to focus on the thoughts swirling round in her mind. When she returns, Alec is asleep, head squashed uncomfortably into the corner of the couch, eyes closed, lips slightly parted.

Quietly setting the coffee down on the floor, she sits back down beside him, careful not to jog the couch and wake him. She looks at him thoughtfully, noting that his brow is still wrinkled in a frown, and feels the stirring of an emotion that feels suspiciously like affection.

Affection? For _Alec_?

She has to admit it's not as strange as it would have been a few months ago. If someone told her then that she'd ever feel anything towards him other than contempt, she would have laughed in their face.

But her feelings have changed, in large part because of that night she told him the truth about Ben's death.

While she's always been afraid to tell Logan what really happened, unable to bear the thought of the horror and condemnation she'll see in his eyes – she did kill her own brother, after all – it felt right to tell Alec. He'd been arrested for a crime Ben had committed, and he deserved to know the truth.

Her mind drifts back to that night. Telling Alec the story brought back the full horror and pain of the terrible moment she'd ended Ben's life, and she broke down. Alec came up beside her and put an arm around her shoulders, resting his chin on her hair and whispering, _"I'm sorry Max."_ Sensing his acceptance and understanding, she leaned back into his embrace and allowed herself to cry.

It was ironic, really. After waiting so long for the moment when Logan could hold her in his arms like that, it should have been him, not Alec, giving her the comfort and support she so desperately needed. Yet she knew that she was with the right person. No one else, not even Logan, could understand why she'd heeded Ben's plea to end his life. Alec understood. He had been through re-indoctrination, and he knew why Ben had begged her to finish it rather than let him be captured and taken back to Manticore.

Later, they sat long into the night drinking coffee. He told her what life was like for him at Manticore after the 09'ers left. She told him a little about her life after the escape. And for the first time she felt a real connection between them. For the first time she looked at him and saw not the epitome of everything she hates and despises, but a broken soul who's been as badly screwed up by Manticore as she has.

Alec stirs and opens his eyes, then yawns and pushes himself upright with a sheepish grin. "Sorry, didn't mean to drop off."

Max summons a small smile. "It's okay. You should go to bed anyway, it's late."

"Nah. Don't think I could sleep for long."

Max understands. She's all churned up inside and filled with a sense of foreboding about the future. "You know this is just the start," she says flatly. "It's all gonna get worse. Not just White – everyone. They want us dead and they're gonna hunt us down like animals."

"That's what they think we are, Max," Alec says, his expression grim. "Even transgenics like us, who look normal."

Max stands up, paces the room, tense and restless. Then she stops dead, whirls to face him and blurts out, "It's all my fault, Alec. I let them out, anything that happens to them is my fault. What if they all die? What if—"

"It's not your fault, Max," Alec interrupts. "It's Manticore's fault. You just did what you thought was right."

She shakes her head, unable to let go of the feeling of responsibility.

Alec gets up and walks over to her. "Hey, come on Maxie. This isn't like you." Reluctantly she looks up into serious hazel eyes. "We're not just gonna give up. Where's that ass-kicking, fighting spirit?"

She shrugs.

"You want an ass to practice on, you can use mine – you always do anyway." He affects a long-suffering expression and she feels the tension inside ease a little.

"Don't tempt me."

"Or, of course, I'm always available if you want to let off any other kind of steam…"

He waggles his eyebrows suggestively and this time she can't help but smile – as was clearly his intention.

"We just have to be more careful," he goes on, serious again. "We need to stick together, watch each other's backs."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know."

They lapse into silence and she thinks that it's late, she should probably go home. But somehow, being here with Alec and Joshua feels more like home than anywhere else.

Alec is right. They might be an unlikely trio, but at this moment, they're all they have. And it surprises her that she finds comfort in the thought that when the crunch comes, Alec will be there, right by her side.


	4. Part 4: Stepping Up

**Reflections**

**Part Four: Stepping Up  
**(Set four days after the end of Freak Nation)

Max pushes open the door to the small supply room acting as a temporary first-aid station and pauses in the doorway. Across the room, Alec lies sprawled on the small bed, one arm draped over the edge, injured arm folded across his body.

She walks quietly across the room and then stops, looking down at him. His face is turned towards her, his eyes closed and his breathing regular in sleep. He's thrown off the blanket that was draped over him and she picks it up, tucking it back around his body. Then she sits down on the edge of the bed, brushes his hair back and rests a hand on his forehead. A little too warm still, but the fiery heat of fever has gone.

During the four days since the desperate retreat to Terminal City, she's seen a different side of Alec. This Alec is single-minded, disciplined and authoritative. Since forcefully and successfully backing her leadership against a potential uprising led by Mole, he's worked flat out by her side, helping to deal with some of the hundred-and-one issues that require urgent action. After a day or so, she stopped double-checking his decisions and now trusts him to get the job done. Alec is fast becoming her link with the leaders of the various transgenic and transhuman groups. He has a way with people, charming, cajoling or persuading co-operation from the different factions.

It's hard to reconcile this behavior with the Alec she knows. He's always done as little work as he can get away with, and she had the impression that he viewed hard work an inconvenience to be fitted in as infrequently as possible between more lucrative scams and sexual encounters.

"There's room in here for two, if we cuddle up close."

Startled, she snatches her hand away and finds herself looking into a pair of sleepy but amused green eyes. She was so busy with her thoughts, she didn't notice him wake.

She chooses to ignore the remark.

"How are you feeling?"

He frowns. "I don't… what happened?"

Her eyes drift down to the fresh bandage on his arm. She feels bad about the injury. When she saw Dalton patching him up at the Jam Pony office, she assumed it was a minor wound and dismissed it with a curt, _"Been there, done that."_

In her defense, it was the blood loss and subsequent infection rather than the bullet wound that caused the problem. Even transgenics with superior healing power need to have their wounds properly cleaned and cared for, and it had been over twenty-four hours before Alec had sought any medical attention, and then only to replace the makeshift bandage.

"You fainted in Command," she tells him.

"I… hey, wait a minute. I didn't faint! _Girls_ faint. I just … got dizzy for a minute."

"Okay," she agrees amiably, stifling a laugh at his indignant tone. "You got dizzy, passed out and hit the ground ass first. Better?"

"Oh, much." He grins. "Far more manly."

Suddenly she's annoyed with him for scaring her like that. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"That you're sick."

He shrugs. "I'm fine. Transgenics don't get sick, remember? It's not a big deal."

That's rich, coming from someone who usually whines if he so much as stubs a toe. Yet she remembers another time he took a bullet helping her out, and he didn't complain that time, either. He must have been in pain over the past few days, tired and weak from the infection. But he never said a thing, and she'd been too busy to notice.

Dalton tried to tell her that there was something wrong with Alec, but she paid little attention, thinking the kid was just being overprotective. The young X-6 has a bad case of hero worship and has become Alec's shadow, to Alec's obvious delight and the amusement of everyone else.

She should have listened.

"The medic says you've lost too much blood, you're exhausted, and you have an infection. You've been pushing yourself too hard, not giving your body time to heal."

"Careful, Maxie, you're gonna make me think you give a damn."

His tone is teasing, but she looks away, because she does give a damn, and she isn't sure what to make of that.

"Don't get your hopes up," she says lightly.

"Don't worry, I never do."

She looks at him then and he holds her eyes with an unreadable expression. She's struck by how much he reminds her of Ben.

She catches the thought with a frown. It occurs to her that something has changed, and she's hardly noticed. There was a time when she saw a reflection of Ben every time she looked at Alec. Now, mostly, she looks at Alec and sees – Alec. She isn't sure what this means, but she senses that something fundamental has shifted inside her.

There's an awkward silence, which he breaks by clearing his throat and asking, "What time is it?"

"Just after 2 a.m."

He starts to sit up and Max puts a hand on his chest, firmly pushing him back down.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Getting up. I'm leading a raid at 3 a.m."

Max shakes her head decisively. "No, you're not. Mole has that covered. I think his actual words were, 'Don't let that pigheaded dumbass back in Command 'til he's had a night's sleep and looks less like a week-old corpse.'"

Alec grumbles, but he doesn't make another attempt to get up, either. "That lizard says the nicest things."

"He's right. You need to rest."

"Come on, Max. I'm hardly dying here."

"_But you could be,"_ is the thought that runs unbidden through her mind, and she shivers. They're living on a knife's edge. Biggs was a strong, fit and agile X-5 and he died, beaten to death by humans who thought he was a monster. Cece was killed instantly by White's men at the Jam Pony siege. Both times, it could so easily have been Alec, and the thought frightens her more than she wants to admit.

"You need to rest," she repeats firmly.

"I'm fine," he protests, but his voice is weak, and he's having trouble keeping his eyes open.

She rolls her eyes at his stubbornness. "Whatever, but you're still gonna stay here until Wade says you're okay, and that's an order. You're no good to me if you can't function properly."

"Thought I wasn't any good to you any time," he murmurs.

The words sting, because that's not how she feels, not now. "That's not true," she says softly. "You… the last four days have been really tough. I couldn't have got through them without you, okay?"

"Aw, Max, I'm touched. You trying to say you don't hate me anymore?"

In his eyes, she sees an intensity that belies the mocking tone in his voice.

"I don't hate you, Alec. I never… I haven't hated you for a long time." She pauses, but he doesn't speak, so she goes on in a mock-serious tone. "But if you don't go back to sleep right now, I might change my mind."

His lips curl in a smile and he snuggles back into the pillow. "Whatever you say, Max. You're the boss."

She isn't sure why, but she needs him to understand that she's telling the truth, that she sees him differently now.

"Alec?"

"Mmhm."

"I just … I want you to know … I don't see Ben anymore."

He shifts to face her, one eyebrow raised in a silent question.

"When I look at you," she says firmly. "I don't see Ben anymore."

For a moment, he seems surprised, and then his expression turns thoughtful. "That's good, right?" he asks softly.

"Yeah." She smiles. "It's good."

He reaches out and lightly touches her arm. "It's gonna be okay, Max. We'll get through this."

"Yeah, I know we will."

And strangely, despite everything, she believes it.


	5. Part 5: A Debt Repaid

**Reflections**

**Part Five: A Debt Repaid  
**(Set eight months after Freak Nation)

Max sits on the edge of the sofa, trying not to fidget, her eyes scanning the room to see if Logan has added anything new.

It's been eight months, but she still finds it strange to think of this house as Logan's. He's made a lot of improvements, but somehow, Logan and his sophisticated technological setup seem out of place in this old house that she will forever associate with Joshua.

But Joshua's home is in Terminal City now, with over two hundred others of their kind. Although an uneasy truce replaced the siege six months ago, they are far from a place where any form of integration is an option. Normals still view them with suspicion and hostility, and the transgenic community keeps itself to itself, its members only venturing away from home when absolutely essential.

Logan sits opposite her and Max tries hard to concentrate on the story he's telling her about some raid Asha and the S1W have carried out against a government facility.

"So, Asha pretended… Max, are you even listening to me?"

She starts guiltily. "I'm sorry, Logan, what were you saying?"

Logan looks at her appraisingly. "I'm sure they're fine. They're only a few days late, and there are a hundred-and-one reasons why communications could be down."

Alec and a small team have been away on a mission for seven days. They are now three days overdue, and Command lost touch with them a day before that. She keeps telling herself that there's no need to worry. Despite his reputation for not doing things by the book, Alec's a competent soldier who can take care of himself and his team. Still, she can't shake the constant, gnawing fear that they've been ambushed, killed or, even worse, taken by White. She can't shake the paralyzing fear that _Alec_ has been killed or taken.

"I know, you're right," she says. "It's just…"

Her cell phone rings and she snatches it out of her pocket. "Hello?"

"It's Mole."

Her pulse quickens. He wouldn't call unless it was important. "You've heard from them?"

"You could say that. They're back."

_Thank God._ "Is he… are they okay?"

"Yeah." Mole sounds amused. "_He's_ a bit battered around the edges, but no pieces missing. The others are fine."

The stone in the pit of her stomach shifts. "Thanks, Mole. I'll be back soon."

She flips the cell off and turns to Logan. "The team's back, and they're all okay."

"Well, good." Logan smiles. "I told you there was no need to worry – if there was ever a survivor, it's Alec. So, what do you want for dinner? I was planning pasta or pasta."

She frowns. "Logan, I have to go."

Logan raises an eyebrow. "Why? You said they're fine, so what's the rush? Max, I know you feel responsible for these people, but that doesn't mean you have to hold everyone's hand all the time."

"I don't want to hold anyone's hand," she snaps, irritated at his attitude. "I just need to see … them … for myself, to be sure they're all right."

Logan's eyes narrow. "Don't you mean, 'I need to see _him_.'?"

Max frowns. She doesn't need this, but she can't deny that he's right. All she wants right now is to get back to TC to see for herself that Alec's really okay, that Mole's description of "a bit battered around the edges " isn't his way of describing a more serious injury. It wouldn't surprise her, given that Alec's a trouble magnet, and it would be just like him to try to hide it from her.

Still, she doesn't like Logan's tone. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs. "Nothing. But you might just as well be honest and say you can't wait to get out of here to see Alec."

Max sighs. Logan's known for a long time that she and Alec have never been together, as she'd allowed him to believe. He forgave her the lie, understanding that she thought it was for the best, and they resumed their on again-off again pseudo relationship. Yet she knows that he's been jealous of the genuine friendship that's grown between herself and Alec.

"Logan, Alec's my friend, okay? Like Joshua and OC. I care about him. Something wrong with that?"

Instead of answering her question, he says, "You know, there was a time when you'd rather gnaw off your right hand than call Alec a friend."

She flushes, and her reaction annoys her. She has no reason to feel defensive about her feelings. "Things change," she says, a little defiantly. "_He's_ changed."

Logan's looking at her searchingly, and she holds his gaze for a long moment.

"Maybe," he says finally. "Or maybe you're the one who's changed, Max."

The truth is, they're both right. Alec _has_ changed. He's still cocky, he still acts before he thinks and gets his ass into trouble all too often, and he still has the ability to drive her to distraction. But he's developed a sense of responsibility towards the citizens of Terminal City, and these days, his wheeling and dealing is generally done for the good of the community. He's now her official second in command, and she relies on him heavily.

More importantly, he's somehow become her closest friend.

She knows that she's changed, too. Over the past few months, she's come to accept who she is. She no longer feels she has to work at being "normal " because she's already normal – as a transgenic. She feels comfortable at TC with people of her own kind. She doesn't have to pretend, hold back her strength, wonder if people think she's a freak.

She's no longer there because she feels an obligation. She's there because she wants to be, because it's where she belongs, and Alec has played a large part in helping her get to this point.

"Maybe I have changed," she says slowly. "Is that such a bad thing?"

She sees a myriad of emotions flicker through his eyes until his expression settles into one of acceptance.

"No, it's not a bad thing," he says softly. "I know life is tough at TC, but you're more at peace with yourself than you've ever been. And I'm glad of that, Max, really. It's just… I kind of miss you."

She feels a wave of regret. She's come to accept that Logan will never really understand her, and the distance between them has been growing. She's so busy as leader of TC that they don't get to see each other that often. When they do meet, her conversation is full of life at TC and people he's never met, while his is all about his different campaigns and Asha and the S1W's activities. She knows that he's still totally committed to the transgenic cause, and she's grateful for that, but personally, they just don't seem to connect anymore.

"I…" she begins, and stops abruptly as her advanced hearing picks up the sound of a key turning in a lock. She frowns. She wasn't aware that anyone else had a key to the house.

"Someone's just unlocked the front door," she says in a low voice.

"It'll be Asha," Logan says, sounding unperturbed. "I forgot to tell you, she's joining us for dinner. We wanted to run some ideas by you."

Max arches an eyebrow. "Since when does Asha have a key to your house?"

Logan shrugs, looking a little uncomfortable. "Well, she's around here quite a bit, discussing strategy, and we … I … thought it would be easier if she had her own key."

"Really?"

Asha breezes into the room and smiles in Max's direction. "Hey, Max."

"Hi, Asha." Max returns the smile. Despite past tension between them, she likes and respects the other girl.

"Any word on Alec?"

"He's back. They're all fine."

Asha seems genuinely relieved. "That's good news. We were worried."

_We_ were worried? She knows that Logan has been working with Asha and her group, but it looks like they're working together a little more closely than she'd thought.

Asha turns to Logan. "I brought the schematics of the power station. There are several possible ways in. We need to decide which is the best."

Max stands up. "I have to go."

Asha looks confused. "I thought we were going to go over the plans together?"

"Yeah, Logan said, but I need to get back to TC."

Asha gives her a long, assessing look, and then nods. "I get it. Go, Max. I'm sure we can figure this out between us."

"Yeah," Max says, her eyes on Logan, who still looks uncomfortable. "I'm sure you can."

o – o- o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o

As Max marches into Command, it occurs to her that she should be more upset by the evidence that Logan and Asha seem so comfortable together. Asha was – and probably still is – in love with Logan, and there was a time when she saw her as a threat. Now, though, she's surprised to find that it doesn't bother her that much. She has only one thing on her mind.

Her eyes scan the room. Dix is there, manning the security cameras, and there are a couple of X-6's engaged in other computer work.

Dix glances up and flicks a thumb towards Max's office. "He's in there. He's beat, but he wanted to wait for you to get back."

She nods and walks across to the room. She spots him through the open door, sprawled out in her only comfortable chair, arms folded, feet propped up on another chair in front of him. His head is tilted back and his eyes are closed. He looks tired and disheveled, and she can see a few ugly bruises standing out vividly against the slight pallor of his skin, but there are no other outward signs of injury.

She pushes the door to and takes a couple of steps toward him. "Alec?"

He starts awake at the sound of her voice. She expects a flirtatious comment or a cocky remark, but he just stands up, runs a hand through his hair and says quietly, "Hey, Max."

Seeing him standing there, whole and uninjured and evidence that her worst fears have not been realized, she's suddenly flooded with emotion. She doesn't let herself think. She crosses the room in four strides and pulls him into a hug, slipping her arms around his waist and leaning her cheek against his chest so she can hear the reassuring thud of his heart.

He tenses, but after a moment, she feels his body relax and his arms tighten around her.

"Hey, Maxie, it's okay. I'm fine. We're all fine."

"I was worried. Why didn't you call in?"

"Had to take a little detour and ran into some trouble. Nothing we couldn't handle, but we lost comms. I'll debrief you later."

She nods into his chest, not caring about the details. All that matters is that he's back safely. She's a little scared of the sudden intensity of her feelings for him and is unsure what they mean, but she feels warm and safe in his arms, and it feels good.

Suddenly, he lets go of her and gently but firmly pushes her away. Confused, she steps back a few paces, a little embarrassed now at her uncharacteristic display of affection. For the first time, she looks into his eyes. His expression is a mixture of sadness and uncertainty, and she doesn't understand what would cause that.

"Alec? What's wrong?"

He fishes in his pocket and brings out a small package. "I've got something for you."

He puts the package into her hands and she fingers it, looking at him questioningly. "What is it?"

"It's the cure for the virus."

She's so stunned that she doesn't even think to ask how and where he found it.

He holds her gaze and she can see he's trying to keep his face expressionless, but his Manticore training can't quite cover the slight tightening of his jaw, or the twitch of a muscle in his cheek.

She's wondered over the past few months if his feelings for her run deeper than just friendship. He's never said anything directly, but the occasional careless word and expression when he thought she wasn't looking has caused her to stop and think.

Now, she can clearly see the pain reflected in those expressive eyes, and she knows for sure.

He makes a poor attempt at a smile. "Guess I've finally paid off my debt."

"Alec…" She doesn't know what to say or how to respond to that. It's been a long time since she's even thought about the "debt". She forgave him a while ago for both his part in the delivery of the virus and in ruining her chances to find the cure.

Before she can form a coherent thought, he looks away.

"Go, Max. Go and be with Logan."

He turns abruptly and walks out of the room.


	6. Part 6: Beginnings

**A/N**: This is the final chapter of this story. I want to thank everyone who's sent such fantastic feedback to previous parts - it's really encouraged me to continue writing. I hope this chapter meets your expectations!

**Reflections**

**Part Six: Beginnings  
**(Set three weeks after Alec gives Max the cure in Part Five)

On this unusually crisp and clear night, the stars twinkle like strings of Christmas lights and the full moon chases away the shadows from dark places.

From her vantage point on the flat roof of the tallest building in TC, Max can see clear across the city of Seattle. A few blocks away, the Space Needle stands starkly outlined against a backdrop of city lights. The Needle was once her refuge when life became too much to bear, and she's done some of her most profound thinking perched on the edge of its highest viewing platform. Now, she only risks going there when faced with a serious decision.

She was there last night.

She turns from the view to gaze down at her sleeping second in command. He sits propped against the wall near the entrance to the stairwell, arms folded and head turned to one side, snoring gently. Her eyes range over tousled dark-blond hair, strong nose and jaw, and long eyelashes shuttering eyes that can be brown or green, depending on his mood.

She'd looked for him in Command and in his quarters, and when she found that no one had seen him for hours, she knew where he'd be. This roof has become the new refuge for both of them. It's an unspoken habit -- until recently, anyway -- for them to meet up here when the day's work is done. Sometimes, they discuss how to deal with the constant needs of a rapidly growing community. Occasionally, they dare to think ahead to what the future may hold. Often, they simply sit in companionable silence.

He looks tired. He's set himself a grueling pace over the past two weeks, personally leading several missions that someone else could easily have handled and getting involved in the combat training of some new arrivals.

She knows he's been avoiding her and she understands, because she's been avoiding him, too. But that's about to change. Her mouth feels suddenly dry and a small knot of tension balls in her gut as she squats beside him, laying a hand gently on his arm.

"Alec?" she says softly.

He stirs, and his eyelids open half-mast. "Hey Max."

He smiles at her, the first proper smile she's seen from him in days. Then he comes fully awake, and the warmth in his eyes fades, replaced by the shuttered look she's come to dread over the past few weeks.

He springs lightly to his feet and she stands with him, noting that he takes a few steps back, casually distancing himself from her.

"Something wrong?" he asks.

She shakes her head. "Nothing's wrong. I just thought we haven't talked in a while. I kinda miss ending the day up here."

She looks forward to these times as a welcome break from the stress of her responsibilities. Alec is good for her. She knows she can be too serious and intense, and he makes it his job to help her lighten up. No matter how bad their day has been, he always comes up with some amusing story to make her laugh. She sits and listens to him ramble and decides that maybe things aren't so bleak after all.

His expression is neutral. "Yeah, well, I guess we've both been busy the past few weeks."

They haven't met on the roof since that night three weeks ago when he handed her the cure for the virus and walked away – not just out of Command, she realized later, but pretty much out of her life. When he's been around, their working relationship has continued as usual, but the easy camaraderie has gone.

She misses him desperately.

"Alec, I…" She pauses, unsure now where to start.

She was so shocked that he'd actually found the cure that she let him walk away without a word. But maybe that was for the best, because back then she was confused.

She should have been ecstatically happy. She had the cure, which meant that there were no longer any barriers to stop her and Logan from being together. But that very fact forced her to admit that the virus wasn't the only barrier between them. There was one more, a very important one. And it was standing right in front of her.

Two nights ago, she risked paying Original Cindy a visit. She didn't get to see her best friend too often. It was still unwise for Normals to be seen in the company of transgenics, and Max's face had been plastered over the news often enough that it was only safe for her to visit at night. But she needed to talk things through.

They sat for hours, talking and drinking coffee, and finally OC told her that she should try imagining how it would feel if either man suddenly disappeared from her life, and then to follow her heart.

She spent the rest of that night alone at the Space Needle and thought about OC's advice. She was surprised by how quickly everything became very clear, and by morning she'd made the biggest decision of her life.

Alec speaks into the sudden silence. "Training went well today. The new group's starting to shape up. Another few months, and we should be able to use them on low-risk missions."

"That's good," she says distractedly. "We need all the trained soldiers we can get."

"Yeah."

They lapse into an uncomfortable silence, and after a few moments, Max can no longer stand the tension.

"I never got to thank you properly for finding the cure. Mole told me how it went down." She pauses, then goes on bluntly, "It was too dangerous, Alec. You shouldn't have taken such a risk."

He looks past her, out over the Seattle skyline. "Well, that's me, Max. Reckless Risk Takers Inc., no mission too dangerous." He shrugs. "Anyway, Mole's exaggerating."

"I don't blame you anymore. You know that, don't you? For the virus, or for losing my chance of getting the cure."

He looks at her, his expression slightly mocking. "So you're saying you don't still wish you'd let my head explode when you had the chance?"

She flushes as her harsh words come back at her. "I never did," she says quietly. "I was just really mad at you."

He shrugs. "Yeah, well, I seem to bring that out in you."

There's a long pause. She wants him to know that it isn't like that any more, but she can't find the right words, so in the end she just says, "So, anyway … thanks."

"You're welcome." He clears his throat. "Must be pretty cool, huh, being to touch old Logan without worrying he's gonna keel over and die?"

She nods. "Yeah. It's kinda weird, though, after so long."

She should just come right out with it and tell him that she's made her decision, that she knows where her heart lies. Sitting up on the Needle, she imagined a life without Logan, and the idea was painful. But imagining a life without Alec was beyond devastating. She knows that this has been true for a while, but she's been unable to admit it. And now … now she's afraid. Three weeks ago, she was sure of his feelings for her, but now she wonders if it's too late, if Alec has decided he's not prepared to wait any longer for her to see the truth. To see that they belong together.

How could she have been so blind?

There's another awkward silence, and again, Alec is the one to break it. "So, um, I guess now you and Logan are together—"

"We're not together."

He frowns. "You're not? But… I don't get it. The virus was the only thing holding you back."

She shakes her head. "Not the only thing. We talked it through, and we decided that actually, we didn't want to be together after all."

That's a somewhat abbreviated summary of the three hours she and Logan spent together earlier today, but the details aren't important. Only the outcome matters.

He's quiet, clearly trying to work out the implications of what she's told him. Then she sees hope begin to break through the confusion in his eyes, and it gives her the courage to go on.

"Logan's been seeing a lot of Asha, and he thinks he might have feelings for her."

"Oh. Okay, I get it. Max, I'm sorry."

She sees the hope quickly fade from his eyes, and understands why. He thinks that Logan's broken up with her because of Asha and that she wants a shoulder to cry on.

She rushes on. "It's not like that. Logan and I … we've grown apart. I think we've both known it for a long time, but we never really talked about it. All that time when we couldn't be together, I guess neither of us was ready to let go, either. But we both know it's time to move on." She pauses, searching for the right words. "It's not that I don't love him. It's just… it turns out that we're not _in_ love."

Before she can catch his expression, Alec turns and walks to the edge of the roof, standing dangerously close to the edge as he stares out into the darkness. He says nothing, so she takes a deep breath and goes on. She needs him to understand because she doesn't want him to think that this is a rebound thing. She won't have him thinking he's second best.

"I told him we couldn't be together before he told me about Asha. I said I couldn't be with him because…" She hesitates, and then goes on boldly, "Because I'm in love with someone else."

That gets a reaction. He swings around to face her and his eyes widen a little. "You are?"

She nods. "Yeah. I guess I have been for a while, I just… I was too afraid to admit it. Or too stubborn."

His face creases in a smile at that final admission. "Too stubborn? That's not like you, Max." His expression grows more serious. "So … is this guy anyone I know?"

"Yeah." She takes a deep breath, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on his. "I'd say you know him better than anyone."

She thinks she sees the uncertainty in his eyes turn to understanding and then to joy and her heart jumps.

"So, you think he's in love with you, too?"

She has to be certain, so she looks at him searchingly. "I'm not sure. I think so, but it's not like he's ever said anything, or made a move…"

"Maybe he isn't the kind of jerk that'd steal another guy's girl."

"No, he isn't," she agrees. "But … I'm afraid it might be too late."

He folds his arms and raises an eyebrow. "What makes you think that?"

"I haven't always been very fair to him." She waits to see his reaction to this huge understatement, but he's silent, looking at her quizzically, so she goes on quickly, "I'm always too hard on him, blaming him for everything, even when it isn't his fault. I chew him out all the time."

Alec grins. "Maybe he deserves it."

She smiles a little. "Sometimes. But this thing with Logan and me … if I hadn't been so stubborn, if I'd been willing to admit that it wasn't working out between us, maybe I'd have seen it sooner."

"I think you're being a bit hard on yourself," Alec says softly. "And I can't speak for him, but if it were me, I'd say you were worth the wait."

She feels the knot in her stomach begin to loosen, and yet suddenly she feels shy. How stupid is that? This is Alec. She can be straight with him about anything – except, apparently, how she feels about him.

He smiles, a genuine smile of pure happiness, then, maybe sensing her insecurity, his face breaks into that familiar, cocky grin. "So, tell me about this guy," he says, taking a step towards her. "Is he handsome?"

The knot loosens even more. She cocks her head to the side, pretending to consider. "Very."

"Hmm." Another step and they're almost touching. "Well, is he sexy?"

She purses her lips in thought, and now her heart is thudding because he's so close. When he reaches out to push back a strand of hair from her face, his touch sends a shockwave of pleasure right through her.

"I think so," she whispers.

He puts an arm around her waist and pulls her tightly against him, until their lips are almost touching. "Guess he must be pretty irresistible, huh?"

The knot disappears completely, replaced by a warmth that starts in her belly and begins to spread outwards. She laughs and wraps her arms around his neck. "_He_ thinks so." Then she stands up on tiptoes to whisper in his ear, "He's also an infuriating, wisecracking dumbass who keeps trying to get himself killed."

Alec grins. "He sounds perfect."

As his lips finally close on hers, she can't help but agree.

**The End**


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